10 New Year’s Resolutions for My 5 Year Old

If anyone could use some New Year’s resolutions, it’s my 5 year old son. Here are my resolution recommendations for him, in no particular order:

  1. I will come up with punchlines that are not bodily functions, fluids, or sound effects. As hilarious as they are, I realize it’s important to mix things up.
  2. I will not describe Mommy’s cooking as tasting like “raw rats.” I do not actually know what raw rats taste like, but I bet they taste nothing like Mommy’s lentil soup.
  3. I will not tell Mommy she is “the meanest person in the history of the world” after she buys me ten toys but refuses the eleventh. I wasn’t taking oppressive dictators into consideration when I made that remark.
  4. I will not eat Doritos while playing on Mommy’s iPad.
  5. I will not give Mommy a daily “kiss limit.” That’s just silly. Mommy can give me as many kisses as she likes.
  6. I will not treat bedtime as merely a suggestion.
  7. I will wear pants when we have guests over. Always. No matter how strong the urge, I will not disrobe in front of company.
  8. I will wear said pants on my legs. Not my head.
  9. I will not put food in my nose. I will not put fingers in my nose. Come to think of it, I will not put anything in my nose.
  10. I will not use bath time as an excuse to test the size of waves I am able to make. I realize that gallons of water spilling onto the bathroom floor is not ideal for our downstairs neighbors.

Did you make any resolutions on behalf of your kids? Or do you have ones you think they should make? Share ’em!


  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ashley-Judge/9125633 Ashley Judge

    this is adorable! i love following your growing success on FB, Erica! Congratulations!